For my diary

I've been with a girl (Aniko) since 2000 augustus, for just over 23 years. She's really a great girl who I have moved in with, it's my place. I live in a small part of a quiet country but I'm from a small town. She's a country girl who's quite shy but made the first move on me back when we started, and from that point on things were great.  I made the big effort and made a declaration to Aniko that I wanted to stay with her and meant to marry her. That was 22 years ago, and I stayed faithful as I wanted things to work out. I moved back to the opposite side of the country to be with her, and took a job down here to be with her. Aniko is that sort of girl that is lovely, seriously homely.  She has an awful habit of dragging me down a bit with little remarks about things I like or want to do, by simply disapproving of it, not that I really pay any attention to her protests but I still hear them. I know her whole family, , and they all love me.

We can't have children...

 First of all, many people do not understand that, in principle, not everyone can have children, and no one is to blame for this! Just as not everyone is rich and super talented, so the seemingly ordinary process of childbearing is not given to everyone. At the same time, in our society, scientism and faith in progress are bizarrely combined with all sorts of superstitions. Can't Have Children: I was consumed by despair and hopelessness, it prevents me from adequately communicating with others.  The only thing I can do is worry, talk and write about it. I have infertility, which is not easy to come to terms with at any age and in any circumstances.Sometimes I don't even remember my infertility Sometimes I don't even remember my infertility. At other times, it reminds of itself. Nobody is to blame for this.  Even if at times it seems that nothing can be changed, this is not a reason to give up. Even if there are no simple solutions for us, we can talk and share our experience. Therefore, I allow myself to mourn and talk about my trouble. You are not alone. "You have every right to be sad" What will help to cope and survive your own infertility?  You are in a situation that you cannot change. Do not drive your thoughts and feelings deep inside. You need to understand them and accept them. You have every right to be sad, angry, worry, despair. You are free to experience the full range of negative emotions. But do not get hung up on experiences - this is a destructive state. You don't have to think like a victim. It feeds pain and provokes psychosomatic illnesses. It is important to deal with frustration, which does not allow you to fully live on. Do not withdraw into yourself: discuss the problem with loved ones or contact a psychologist to sort out your feelings. You can't keep the pain inside. In addition, you will have to do a lot of independent work. Rely on the tips below. Understand that projecting your position onto others is a vicious circle.  If a person has not accepted the current situation, he will experience suffering every time. Stop blaming yourself. Even without children, you remain a complete person and can be happy. Think about which path you want to take in the new environment. Write down a plan for a year, five, ten years ahead. This will help you understand that you have a choice: adopt a child, find a man with children, resort to surrogacy. Shift the focus from motherhood and realize yourself in a career, devote yourself to creativity or a hobby. Doing what you love is a powerful source of joy and inspiration, which makes it possible to feel the taste of life.